“Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”
How to Win Friends and Influence People was written in 1936 and to this day, it’s one of the top selling books in its category. It’s a timeless self-help book and the ideas still hold true. Many of the modern books in the category of self-help and communication are based on How to Win Friends and Influence People. This book teaches you how to value of people and make them feel appreciated. The book is divided into 4 major parts and at the end of each chapter, the book has a summary of the main ideas. I am posting the main ideas here:
Disclaimer: Dale Carnegie says to carefully take notes and take the time to reflect on what it taught you, and to apply it to your life CAREFULLY. He also asks you to take the time to try and reflecting on what you read, and to carefully re-read the book every now and then. So these words are compliments rather then supplements of reading the book.
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
- Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
(Human nature doesn’t like negativity)
- Give honest sincere appreciation.
(Appreciation brings the best in people and people desire to feel important)
- Arouse in the other person an eager want.
(If you want to catch a fish you don’t bait it with a chocolate. You bait it with what it likes)
Six Ways To Make People Like You
- Become genuinely interested in other people.
(One of his famous quotes: You can make more friends in two months by being interested in them, than in two years by making them interested in you.)
(A smile can go a long way)
- Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
(Remember a person’s name and say it during the interaction with the person)
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
(Don’t think about what you will say next while listening. Keep talk: listen ratio 1:3)
- Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
- Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.
(Use the words of kindness and avoid arrogance)
Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
- The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
(Welcome disagreement, control temper, listen first and be honest)
- Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
(The word “You’re wrong” is one sure way of making enemy)
- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
(Do not try to defend it, when you are wrong)
- Begin in a friendly way.
(When you are angry/frustrated/have issues with someone start the conversation in a friendly way)
- Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
(Change people’s mentality to a positive state of mind)
- Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
(Goes with 4th point of: Six Ways To Make People Like You)
- Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
- Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
- Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
- Appeal to the nobler motives.
(Most people will react favorably if make them feel that we see them as honest, upright, and fair)
- Dramatize your ideas.
(Picture is worth a thousand word)
- Throw down a challenge.
(Everyone wants to outdo)
Be A Leader: How To Change People Without Giving Offense Or Arousing Resentment
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
(Before criticizing or advising)
- Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
(Don’t say “you are wrong”)
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
(Make others feel like the idea is theirs)
- Let the other person save face.
(Don’t destroy ego)
- Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
(Try hard to find things to prase for)
- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
(Say things like: you are a code wizard!)
- Use encouragement. *Make the fault seem easy to correct.
(Divide a big goal into smaller victories)
- Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
(Be sincere, consider what other person wants)
To hammer the nail